I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
