Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
