we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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