Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
