do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
