Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
