I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
