You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
