my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
is it fun? or sober?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
