When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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