the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
