Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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