You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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