can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
