No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
