i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
