Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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