she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
