So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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