I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
