Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
