you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
