that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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