Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
