Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
