it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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