why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
