wakey wakey hands off snakey
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
