Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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