Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
