the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
