You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
