i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
