She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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