You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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