you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
