But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Randomize
