Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So vagazzling was a success
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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