she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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