Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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