had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
