WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
