Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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