WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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