Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
