you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
