i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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