hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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