Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
home. puking in laundry basket.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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