First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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