fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
