omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize