oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
