after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he fucked my hip out of place.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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