I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
