The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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