That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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