non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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