Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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