I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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