Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
