this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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