I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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