So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
