I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
