The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so let's talk penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize