he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
